This "something you can't seem to get over" entry has been the dreaded one for the past few days & I avoided writing it as long as possible to try to get my thoughts together...but they have their own plans & won't cooperate, haha!
I set out to do this 30 day challenge to find myself again & in a way, prove that I've moved on from the past, but the truth is, I haven't. Right now, my heart just won't let me get over it. Everything I've said before now still holds true...but now I look at it as what Ineed to keep telling myself in hopes that it will be true.
I'm not over J. I honestly thought that I was, that I was ready to see him at our mutual friends' wedding in a few days...I'm not. I've known that this was going to happen for almost a year now when I accepted the opportunity to be a bridesmaid in the wedding...but I'm not ready to see him & meet his new girlfriend at an event full of a lot of our friends & especially to be doing it alone. It's been two years & I was the one who ended it, I should be okay by now, right? I was unhappy for so long & that's why it needed to come to an end, but that never meant that I stopped loving him.
I covered up my pain with anger, especially toward him. I dated again almost immediately because I could (or felt like I should), not because I wanted to. Anytime someone asked how we were doing, I'd tell them I'd ended it. I put on a brave face & really didn't even cry once we were over, but my dad has always seen through that. Even now, he's always known my heart's still hurting.
But one thing's for sure, I will put on a brave face at the wedding, smile & pretend everything's okay because the day is not about me, it's about celebrating two of our best friends starting a new life together. I'll meet the new girlfriend & wish them the best. And it will be the last time that I see or talk to J because he has every right to be happy & so do I...even if it means that he's happy without me.
♥Linz
I set out to do this 30 day challenge to find myself again & in a way, prove that I've moved on from the past, but the truth is, I haven't. Right now, my heart just won't let me get over it. Everything I've said before now still holds true...but now I look at it as what Ineed to keep telling myself in hopes that it will be true.
I'm not over J. I honestly thought that I was, that I was ready to see him at our mutual friends' wedding in a few days...I'm not. I've known that this was going to happen for almost a year now when I accepted the opportunity to be a bridesmaid in the wedding...but I'm not ready to see him & meet his new girlfriend at an event full of a lot of our friends & especially to be doing it alone. It's been two years & I was the one who ended it, I should be okay by now, right? I was unhappy for so long & that's why it needed to come to an end, but that never meant that I stopped loving him.
I covered up my pain with anger, especially toward him. I dated again almost immediately because I could (or felt like I should), not because I wanted to. Anytime someone asked how we were doing, I'd tell them I'd ended it. I put on a brave face & really didn't even cry once we were over, but my dad has always seen through that. Even now, he's always known my heart's still hurting.
But one thing's for sure, I will put on a brave face at the wedding, smile & pretend everything's okay because the day is not about me, it's about celebrating two of our best friends starting a new life together. I'll meet the new girlfriend & wish them the best. And it will be the last time that I see or talk to J because he has every right to be happy & so do I...even if it means that he's happy without me.
♥Linz
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